When You’re a Grandparent, Availability is Job One

A week ago today, we were blessed with our 13th grandchild! That statement definitely needed an exclamation mark, because we want to shout our joy the world. Each and every one of our 13 blessings are worthy of a shout from the heart. We’re so thankful!

Some days being a grandparent is very quiet, and on others it’s total mayhem. Of course, I wouldn’t exchange it for the world. While, in our family, newborns have lately come in bursts (4 one year, 3 another, 3 another) I know the days will come before I know it, when they will get older and have their own things going on (like their teenage cousins do who now have jobs and after-school activities), so they won’t be coming to Grandmar and Grandpar’s house so often. I’ll take all that busy exhaustion now, because I know I’ll treasure it as they grow up.As you might imagine, with 13 loves ranging from newborn to age 17, life can get pretty hectic around this grandma’s house. For instance, on Saturday afternoon, I went to a wedding, but I came home later to a bathtub full of toddlers who’d spent the afternoon playing in the mud while their daddies worked here on the farm. Those energetic wee folk were having a blast turning the bathroom into something of a giant puddle too, but oh how I loved hearing their giggles and smooching their glowing (clean) faces while they exclaimed, “Grandma!” and proceeded to tell me about their adventures. Of course, once they were dressed in fresh clothes and jammies, and me and their mama had wiped up the floor and walls and gathered the trail of clothes and towels, then they needed snacks and a movie. Eventually, we settled down for a snuggle.

What’s my point?

I’ll tell you.

I’m writing to say that this stage of grandparenting is all about availability. Yes, there are things I’d like to do with my so-called “free” time. But really, isn’t that silly? Isn’t the idea of having our “freedom” something of a recent tradition — like maybe just in the past few decades? Historically, haven’t families supported each other with availability through the generations? These days, when most families depend upon two incomes just to make ends meet, how important is it that we can be available to our adult children by helping out with these little ones?

Of course, many of us are still trying to work outside the home to make a living ourselves. Our culture is no longer very kindly disposed to living on a single income unless we are willing to get by without a lot of extras such as fancy vacations, newer cars, toys, nicer house amenities, and so on. So sometimes being available to help out with babysitting, running grandchildren to their practices and appointments, helping out with school work, or bringing over a meal is difficult.

However, with by being proactive, we can still show love through availability. Be forewarned, I’m going to throw out a personal opinion here: big gifts are not nearly as memorable or as important as simple availability. I might even go so far as to argue that quantity time beats quality time, because quality always shows up in quantity. 

I have the best memories of my own grandparents just being there, whenever I wanted to pop through their door. My folks didn’t ask for babysitting often, but when they did, I was welcome to make myself at home in my grandma and grandpa’s house. As I got old enough to wander over there on my own (they lived a mile away), I did so regularly. I would come in and bake, or wander around the farm, or lie in the haymow. I would pester my grandma while she ran laundry through her wringer washer, snipped beans, or scrubbed floors. I would “help” her gather eggs, feed the sow, and get the mail. I remember going camping with my grandparents once, and it was very memorable, but mostly I just remember them being available for no reason at all. Even my grandpa didn’t mind me wandering around behind him in the garage, examining all the screws and nuts he kept in jars and asking him endless questions about the uses of various greasy tools and things he was trying to work on. He let me ride along on the tractor help him stack wood. My grandparents provided a warm, safe, welcoming atmosphere where I learned and grew and became influenced in a multitude of subtle ways. I was a sponge there with them, soaking in their instruction and influence.

The teachable quality times we all look for actually take place in random moments when we are available. It’s doubtful I’ll be able to afford to take my grandchildren on expensive vacations. It’s unlikely that I will be able to purchase expensive gifts for them. However, I can give them the treasure of availability. 

There are many ways we can explore to be available nowadays, even if our grandchildren live far away. We can let them know even through social media that we are there all the time, thinking of them and praying for them. We shouldn’t be afraid of the “live” camera on social media. In fact, it’s a thrill to pop into their lives that way and say hello or show them some project we’re working on, and ask them about what they’re doing. We can even help with homework through social media!